What Women Actually Find Attractive in a Man

It's not what most men think. Here's what research and real life say women are drawn to.

10/14/20261 min read

Ask most men what women want and you'll hear the same answers. Height, money and a great body. These things can help, but they're not near the top of the list.

What women actually respond to is far more within your control.

Kindness and Intelligence

In a well-known study across 37 cultures, psychologist David Buss found that kindness and intelligence ranked near the top of what both men and women want in a long-term partner. Looks and money mattered, but less than most people think.

Kindness doesn't mean being a pushover. It means treating people well, including waiters, strangers and her friends. She notices how you treat everyone, not just her.

A Life With Direction

A man who knows where he's going is attractive. It doesn't matter whether you're rich yet. What matters is that you're working towards something and taking it seriously.

Women are drawn to men who have goals, routines and a sense of purpose. It shows you can build a stable life, and that you won't make her your whole world.

Confidence Without Arrogance

Confidence means being at ease with yourself. You can hold a conversation, make a decision and handle a bit of awkwardness without falling apart.

Arrogance is different. It's talking about yourself, putting others down and needing to win. Confidence makes her feel relaxed. Arrogance makes her feel small.

How You Make Her Feel

Research on speed dating by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel found that what people say they want on paper often doesn't predict who they actually feel attracted to in person.

Attraction happens in the moment. Do you listen? Do you make her laugh? Does she feel comfortable around you? Those things count for more than any list.

Taking Care of Yourself

You don't need to be a model. You do need to look like you care. Good grooming, clean clothes that fit and a body you look after all show self-respect. That signals that you'll respect her too.

The Bottom Line

Women aren't looking for a perfect man. They're looking for a kind, grounded man with direction, who takes care of himself and makes them feel good. Almost all of that is something you can build.

Want to go deeper? Get two free bonus chapters from Make Her Chase You, plus the 30-Day Rebuild, one simple action a day to put this into practice.

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